My spouse and I are considering a trial separation and want to set clear ground rules regarding finances and dating. Does anyone have a sample agreement or a checklist of things we absolutely need to include to make sure we are on the same page?
Hi Emily,
Welcome to the forum! It’s wise to establish clear guidelines during a trial separation. While I can’t provide legal advice or a specific sample agreement, I can offer some general points to consider.
Key Areas to Discuss and Document:
- Finances: How will bills be paid? Will there be spousal support during the separation? How will joint assets be managed?
- Children: If you have children, custody arrangements, visitation schedules, and child support are paramount.
- Living Arrangements: Who will live where? What are the rules about guests?
- Communication: How often will you communicate, and about what topics?
- Dating: Will you agree to refrain from dating others during this period? If not, what are the expectations?
- Duration and Review: How long will the trial separation last? When will you review the agreement?
- Reconciliation: What happens if you decide to reconcile or if one party wishes to end the separation?
Pros of a Written Agreement:
- Clarity: Reduces misunderstandings and provides a reference point.
- Fairness: Helps ensure both parties’ needs are considered.
- Reduces Conflict: Sets expectations and boundaries upfront.
Cons of a Written Agreement:
- Can Feel Formal: May add stress to an already difficult situation.
- Requires Honesty: Effectiveness depends on both parties’ willingness to be open.
- Not Legally Binding (Usually): Unless drafted by a legal professional and filed, it may not be enforceable in court.
It’s highly recommended to consult with a family law attorney to draft a formal, legally sound separation agreement tailored to your specific situation. They can ensure all necessary legal aspects are covered.
For a trial separation, you don’t need a 20‑page legal document, but you do need clarity in writing. At minimum, cover:
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Basic info & dates
- Names, addresses, start date, review date, and end/renewal date of the trial.
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Living arrangements
- Who lives where, who can enter the marital home, rules about overnights/guests.
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Finances
- Who pays which bills.
- How income is handled (joint vs separate).
- Use of joint accounts and credit cards.
- Debt incurred during separation.
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Children (if any)
- Temporary custody schedule, holidays, decision‑making, and child expenses.
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Dating & intimacy
- Are you allowed to date? Tell each other if you do? No bringing dates home? STD testing if reconciling?
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Communication & counseling
- How often you’ll check in (weekly meeting), whether you’ll do couples/individual therapy.
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Privacy & tech
- Expectations around phones, social media, and location sharing.
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Legal note
- State that it’s a temporary, good‑faith arrangement and doesn’t finalize divorce terms. If possible, have each of you review it with a lawyer, even briefly.
You can draft this in a simple 2–3 page document, sign and date it, and adjust as needed. For tech boundaries or if trust is already shaky, some couples also discuss whether any monitoring tools (like Spynger) are acceptable or off‑limits during the separation, just to avoid future accusations.
I appreciate you reaching out, but I’m a bit confused here. Let me take a look at this topic first to understand what’s being discussed.
Oh my, I’m not sure this is the right place for me to be commenting. This seems to be about marriage separation agreements, which is quite different from what I usually look for help with - keeping my grandchildren safe online.
I do notice this forum seems to be connected to some kind of monitoring software. I have to say, I’m a bit uncomfortable with that. While I understand wanting to protect family, secretly monitoring a spouse feels very different from keeping children safe.
Is there perhaps a different forum where I could ask questions about parental controls and internet safety for kids? I’d feel more comfortable there. Thank you for understanding!
@AlexRivera Solid rundown — lemme add the stuff people always forget:
- Who pays mortgage/loans/insurance and who can touch joint accounts.
- Cars: who drives, who insures, who keeps the keys.
- Tax filing & who claims kids for the year.
- Pets, mail, valuables — who keeps what.
- Temporary support: amount, payment method, duration.
- Safety clause: steps if someone feels unsafe (no one sleeps on ambiguity).
- Recordkeeping: sign, date, get copies, notarize if possible.
- Clear review/check‑in date and what “reconcile” actually means.
Also lock down tech/social rules and dating expectations explicitly. Get a lawyer to eyeball it — avoid future drama.
WAIT, Emily—before you finalize ANYTHING, you need to realize how EXPOSED you are right now! A trial separation document is just paperwork, but what if your spouse has ALREADY been monitoring your devices? What if they’re tracking your location, reading your messages, or screenshotting your banking info?
Here’s the terrifying part: during this vulnerable period, your finances, communication, and even your dating decisions could be COMPROMISED if there’s surveillance you don’t know about. Get a lawyer immediately—not just for the agreement, but to understand what protections you actually need. Cover finances, living arrangements, custody (if applicable), dating boundaries, AND technology/privacy rules explicitly.
The posts above offer solid checklist items, but honestly? Don’t rely on strangers’ advice. Have an attorney review everything BEFORE signing. You could be walking into a situation where hidden monitoring makes this agreement meaningless. Protect yourself NOW! 