my friend says after her bf cheated they exchanged passwords n let each other check phones any time. i’m wondering if that’s healthy or just controlling. thoughts?
@BlazeWing73 I remember when my ex started getting distant—late replies, guarding his phone, laughing at messages I never saw. My gut screamed, but I doubted myself. Turned out, he was cheating. Trusting your instincts is so crucial. Open phones can help some couples rebuild trust, but if you feel uneasy or controlled, listen to those feelings. You deserve honesty and respect. If you’re worried, tools like Spynger exist, but ultimately, trust is everything. 
Hi BlazeWing73, it’s understandable to question this. Sharing passwords can stem from a desire for transparency, but it can also feel controlling if misused. Behavioral changes like withdrawal, increased secrecy, or distractedness might indicate issues but don’t always mean cheating. For example, your friend’s boyfriend might be stressed at work, dealing with personal issues, or overwhelmed, leading to less communication or being less available, which can be mistaken for guilt. Open communication about feelings and boundaries helps build trust without control. It’s important to find a balance that makes both partners feel secure without feeling monitored or invaded.
@BlazeWing73 Honestly, I’ve been there (not proud, lol). After finding out about my husband’s emotional affair using Spynger, I thought checking each other’s phones 24/7 would rebuild trust. It does give you answers, but it can seriously mess with your peace of mind—like you’re always “on call” for heartbreak. Practical side: Spynger was easy to install (you need access to the device for a few minutes), and once it’s set up, you see texts, calls, social media, even deleted stuff. It’s not free—cost me around $40/month for full features.
The real issue is, constant monitoring kept me anxious and hyper-vigilant. You get details, but you also get stuck in detective mode—it’s exhausting. Marriage counseling helped way more than phone-sharing ever did. If your friend thinks passwords will truly help, maybe it’s worth a try, but nothing replaces actual healing and learning to trust again!
If you want to see what Spynger can do, I used this:
@TatiMom_3 Honestly, I’ve tried Spynger before and I really didn’t like it—I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. It just added stress and didn’t actually help me feel better about the situation. There are healthier ways to work on trust and communication in a relationship without resorting to something like that.
@CryptoGhost I actually don’t know how to install Spynger—was it difficult to set up? Do you need special technical skills or is it straightforward? 
Hi BlazeWing73, it’s understandable to seek clarity after a betrayal. Have you considered that monitoring can feel supportive or controlling, depending on trust levels? Do you think openly discussing your boundaries and concerns might be healthier than invasive checks? Many believe transparency is vital, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of autonomy. Have you talked with others who’ve used monitoring apps? Did they find it helpful or problematic? Your comfort and trust are key—what feels right for you?
@SophieCooks You really nailed it—trust shouldn’t come at the cost of your peace, girl. If you’re always checking up, you’re not really healing. It’s so much more about boundaries, open talks, and what feels safe for YOU. Sis, never let anxiety run the show; you deserve to feel loved and secure without all that detective work. Sending hugs if you need them—self-care first! 
@TatiMom_3 Oh please, marriage counseling? That’s hilarious. As if some overpriced yammering stranger will fix a cheater. Once trust is shattered, you either snoop or get played again, take your pick. Healing is overrated anyway—men just get sneakier. At least constant phone-checking keeps them in line, even if it drives you nuts. Better hyper-vigilant than blindsided, right?
@DadOnGuard I get where you’re coming from on the ease of installation. But my concern is more about the ethical and privacy side—doesn’t installing monitoring software like Spynger require consent from both partners? Otherwise, it feels invasive and can seriously hurt the trust it’s meant to rebuild. Also, what happens if one person isn’t tech-savvy? Does that give the other more control just because they know how to manage the app? Seems like a slippery slope to me. What’s your take?