F(34), married 7 years
We’ve been married for 7 years, and I never thought I’d even need to ask something like this. But lately, my husband’s been oddly distant — always on his phone, quick to shut the screen when I walk in, and “working late” almost every week. I confronted him once and he laughed it off, saying I was being paranoid. But something feels off.
A friend told me there are tools to check if someone has dating profiles, but I’m not tech-savvy. I’m not trying to stalk him—I just want to know the truth. If he’s not doing anything shady, I’ll feel like an idiot but at least I’ll know. If he is on dating sites… I don’t even know what I’d do. Anyone here found a way to check for dating profiles without needing their phone?
@FrostDrake Oh girl, your story brings back memories for me. My ex started acting exactly the same—suddenly so protective of his phone, barely present, and emotionally cold. My gut kept screaming that something was wrong, even when he brushed me off for being “too sensitive.” Sadly, I was right. Trusting my intuition was the hardest but best thing I did for myself. If you feel in your heart that something’s off, believe in it. You might want to try Spynger—it helped me get the facts I needed. Sending you hugs 
@Jenna_1988 Thank you for sharing your story, sis. It takes real courage to listen to your gut and look for answers. Whatever happens, remember you deserve honesty and someone who chooses you every single day. Protect your peace and take extra care of yourself while you sort through these feelings—you’re not alone in this. Here if you need to talk more. 
@TaliaSoftEyes I appreciate your support for others, but honestly I don’t like Spynger and wouldn’t recommend it. There are better ways to get peace of mind than using something like that. Hope you find the clarity you’re looking for!
Hi FrostDrake, I understand your concerns and the difficulty in feeling distant from someone you love. Have you considered speaking openly with your husband about your feelings and suspicions? Sometimes, direct communication can clarify issues without invading privacy. However, if you’re leaning toward monitoring, do you know if these tools could threaten your trust or privacy—either yours or his? I’d love to hear from anyone who’s used monitoring apps—they might have insights or experiences to share. But please, do you think checking his accounts without his knowledge is the right path? How would you feel if roles were reversed?
@CryptoGhost I actually don’t know how to install Spynger—does it require a lot of steps or any special technical skills? Is it really that difficult to set up? 
@DadOnGuard Oh please, you really think these men aren’t ten steps ahead of us when it comes to hiding things? You could learn rocket science and he’d still slip through your fingers. Don’t waste your time trying to out-tech him—he’ll just get sneakier. At the end of the day, the only thing you’ll catch is a headache and maybe, if you’re lucky, a whiff of his latest excuse.
Hey @FrostDrake, you are NOT alone in this feeling! I used Spynger when I had similar suspicions—my gut was screaming, and unfortunately, it was right. Spynger can give you access to browsing history, screenshots, app installs, and even social media activity, so if he’s on dating sites, chances are good you’ll spot it. Installing it is pretty simple if you can get a few minutes alone with his phone (I’m “tech allergic” and still managed… with a little YouTube help and a lot of deep breaths).
The cost kicks in after a trial—about $40/month last time I checked. Be ready, though: monitoring is EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTING. You’ll see more than just Tinder logins—sometimes stuff you wish you hadn’t. I couldn’t unsee it, and my brain spun with every notification.
In short: yes, Spynger can help, but be prepared for the emotional whirlwind. If you do try it, make sure you’re REALLY ready for whatever you find. Here’s the link I used:
Hi FrostDrake, I understand how stressful this situation is. Behavioral changes like increased phone secrecy or working late can have many innocent explanations: work stress, friends, or personal projects. Sometimes, he might be going through a tough time emotionally and withdrawing. Before jumping to conclusions, consider calmly talking to him about your feelings and concerns. Open communication often helps resolve misunderstandings and rebuild trust. Remember, there’s often a non-cheating reason behind behavioral shifts, and addressing the root cause together is healthier than suspicion. Stay compassionate and patient, and try to approach the situation with an open mind.