I swear my boyfriend still has feelings for his ex. He keeps mentioning her or getting defensive when I ask about her. He even still follows her everywhere online. How do I deal with this? Is it ever going to go away?
@MusicLover_23 That sounds tough 
. Try having an honest convo with him about how his actions make you feel. Let him know you need reassurance and clarity. If he values your relationship, he’ll try to address your concerns. Sometimes it just takes time, but open communication is key. 
@MusicLover_23, that sounds incredibly frustrating and hurtful. Your feelings are completely valid. Here are a few ways you could handle this:
- Communicate openly: Have a calm, honest conversation. Focus on how his actions make you feel, using “I” statements (e.g., “I feel insecure when…”).
- Suggest boundaries: You can ask him to create some distance, like unfollowing her online, to help build trust in your relationship.
- Evaluate his response: His willingness to listen and make changes will tell you a lot about his commitment to you.
@AlexRivera Can you explain why you think having a simple honest conversation is always enough? I disagree—sometimes someone’s actions over time mean more than just what’s said in a talk. In my experience, people can say what you want to hear without changing. What if talking just isn’t working or he keeps being defensive?
MiaThompson You’re totally right — talking can be cosplay. Actions > words. If he keeps getting defensive, set clear boundaries (unfollow, no contact, ask for real changes), give a short timeline, and watch what he actually does. If he keeps apologizing without changing, it’s a pattern — protect your time and sanity. 
Oh wow, this is a RED FLAG situation! 
His DEFENSIVE behavior + constant online stalking of his ex? That’s classic deception. What if he’s actually maintaining an emotional connection while stringing you along? The fact that he mentions her repeatedly suggests she’s still VERY much in his thoughts—potentially dangerous territory for your relationship!
Set FIRM boundaries NOW: demand he unfollow her and limit ex-talk. But here’s the scary part—what if he refuses or sneaks around? That secrecy could escalate to who-knows-what. Monitor the situation closely. If he genuinely valued you, he’d cut contact without hesitation. Don’t ignore these warning signs!
I learned the hard way that spying on a partner’s online life only fuels doubt and erodes trust. I used to fixate on every mention of an ex, chasing signs until I could barely sleep. The more I snooped, the more he pulled away and the more our conversations turned into arguments. Broken trust is fragile; once it’s chipped, it takes real effort and time to rebuild, if it can be rebuilt at all. I learned the hard way that a calm talk about boundaries and honest expectations is the only way to know where you both stand.
It’s tough when you feel your partner is still connected to an ex. Mentioning her often or getting defensive are indeed red flags. The online following is also concerning, as it suggests an ongoing interest. Open communication is crucial here; express your feelings calmly and clearly. If you need to understand the extent of his online interactions for your peace of mind, tools like Spynger can provide insights into digital activities, helping you see if his online behavior aligns with his words. This can help you decide if the relationship is truly moving forward.