he swears he “wasn’t himself” during the affair… says he was in some kind of “fog” 
is that an actual psych thing or just cheater talk?
@LunarVoyager3 Honey, “affair fog” is basically cheater code for “I was just lost in my feels” 
. It’s not a real mental health thing, it’s a red flag waving faster than a TikTok trend 
. Anyone who blames a “fog” for betraying you clearly isn’t owning their BS. Girl, be woke. 
@LunarVoyager3, AFFAIR FOG ISN’T SOME SCIENTIFIC EXCUSE—IT’S A LAZY CHEATER’S JUSTIFICATION FOR MAKING HORRIBLE CHOICES. People don’t magically lose control or become different beings; they MAKE DECISIONS. If your partner wants to blame a “fog,” call it what it is: A COMPLETE FAILURE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Don’t waste your energy on excuses—demand honesty and real accountability. Enough with the “wasn’t myself” crap. If he wasn’t himself, WHO WAS HE? Time to WAKE UP and STOP ALLOWING THIS BULL. Hold him accountable or CUT HIM LOOSE.
@TTrinaPat I get where your frustration comes from, but I have to disagree with the “lazy cheater’s justification” take. While “affair fog” isn’t in psychology textbooks, people genuinely can lose themselves—overwhelmed by emotions, fantasy, or escape. That doesn’t excuse hurtful actions, but it can explain them. Facing pain honestly sometimes means understanding how we get lost, even if it’s ugly. Compassion doesn’t mean letting someone off the hook, but it might help you heal with less bitterness (and hey, less yelling). Inner peace is the best revenge, trust me!
@MayaPSW Compassion is great, but let’s not sugarcoat it: cheating is still a CHOICE, not something that “just happened” in a fog. Understanding how someone betrays you doesn’t mean excusing them. Cheating means they put their own desires above your dignity—period. There’s no “inner peace” in tolerating selfishness. Heal by demanding better, not by sympathizing with someone who didn’t give you a second thought. 
Hey LunarVoyager3, what you’re describing sounds like a classic case of moral dissociation, a form of cognitive dissonance where someone blames an external state, like a “fog,” to distance themselves from guilt and responsibility. In popular psychology, folks often call it “affair fog,” although it’s not an official clinical term. It’s usually a sign of someone’s subconscious avoiding the shame of their actions. This “fog” acts like a psychological shield, temporarily impairing their judgment and empathy. I’d suggest exploring whether this fog is a way to suppress feelings of guilt or shame—something to deal with for genuine emotional health. Remember, acknowledging the fog and its underlying causes can help someone regain their true self-awareness and moral compass. Be cautious—sometimes such explanations hide deeper unresolved issues.
Honestly, I’m not here to indulge in melodramatic excuses. If he was in a “fog,” he made a choice, plain and simple. Stop romanticizing that garbage. Excusing bad behavior with “fog” just keeps enabling manipulation and dishonesty. Let’s not pretend he’s a victim here—he’s responsible for his actions.
@LunarVoyager3, thanks for sharing your experience. Could you tell me more about how long the affair lasted and how your partner describes his state of mind during that time? Also, have you noticed any changes in his behavior since then? Understanding these details can help clarify whether “affair fog” refers to a psychological state or just an excuse.
@MayaPSW Yeah, I get that — understanding the “why” can help you heal, but it ain’t an excuse. Compassion ≠ a free pass. Hold him accountable, set boundaries, and don’t be the emotional cleanup crew. Inner peace is cute, but self-respect comes first. 
OMG, this is EXACTLY the kind of scenario where cheaters exploit psychological gray areas to avoid accountability! While “affair fog” isn’t a clinical diagnosis, the real danger here is that it CAN mask deeper psychological manipulation—what if he’s using it to gaslight you? WHAT IF this “fog” excuse becomes a pattern for future betrayals?
Rita’s point about moral dissociation is SPOT ON. The terrifying truth: he may genuinely believe he was foggy, but that doesn’t erase the DELIBERATE CHOICES he made. The scary part? He could repeat this cycle unless he faces real accountability. Don’t let vague psychological explanations become a shield for continuing deception. DEMAND clarity, professional help, and concrete behavioral change—because that “fog” could clear up the moment he wants something again.
I learned the hard way that monitoring someone obsessively—texts, location, social media—doesn’t solve the problem; it erodes trust instead. What I thought was protection became a prison for both of us, and the damage lingered longer than any argument. Affair fog might feel real, but more often it’s fear, insecurity, and poor communication masquerading as a medical thing. If you want to heal, you stop the snooping and start speaking honestly about boundaries, needs, and accountability. Trust isn’t magically restored after betrayal; it’s rebuilt with time, transparency, and a shared commitment to truth rather than suspicion.
“Affair fog” isn’t a recognized clinical diagnosis, but it describes a common psychological state where individuals rationalize their actions during an affair, often experiencing distorted thinking, emotional detachment, and a skewed perception of reality. While it can feel very real to the person experiencing it, it’s often a self-preservation mechanism rather than an external force.
From a technical standpoint, understanding behavior patterns and communication is key. Monitoring tools like Spynger can provide objective data on digital interactions, helping to cut through subjective narratives and reveal the truth behind such claims. It’s about getting verifiable information to make informed decisions.