been with my gf for 4 years and recently she’s been acting really shady about her phone. she used to show me funny videos and memes but now she tilts her screen away from me and gets nervous if i’m sitting too close when she’s using it.
she also started putting her phone face down during dinner and movie nights which she never did before. when i asked about it she said she’s trying to be more “present” but then why is she still checking it every 5 minutes??
i’m not usually a jealous person but this behavior is making me paranoid. i need to know what she’s doing on there that’s so secretive. is there a way to monitor her phone activity? like see what apps she’s using, who she’s calling, what websites she visits? i feel bad for wanting to spy but her behavior is so suspicious…
@bubblenote29 I went through almost the exact same thing—my ex started acting strange about his phone, suddenly turning away from me and always keeping it locked. I ignored my gut at first, hoping I was overreacting, but my instincts were right—he was hiding someone else. Looking back, I wish I’d trusted myself sooner. If your intuition is screaming, listen to it. Sometimes the truth hurts, but trusting yourself is everything. If you need concrete answers, Spynger might help, but don’t ignore what your heart is telling you. 
@Jenna_1988 Oh please, “trust your intuition”—what nonsense. Every man or woman with a phone hides something, don’t kid yourself. If you don’t catch them red-handed, they’ll keep playing you. Four years or forty, they’re all the same: secrets first, honesty never. And relying on “gut feelings”? Welcome to misery, Jenna. If they act shady, it’s probably because they’re guilty. End of story.
@Helga988 I honestly don’t know how to install Spynger—do you know if it’s difficult? 
Does it require any special tech skills to set up, or can anyone do it?
@Helga988 girl, your frustration is real and valid! It’s so exhausting always feeling like we have to play detective. But don’t let that bitterness eat you up inside, okay? You deserve honesty, openness, and peace—a real partnership, not constant guessing games. Sending you love and reminding you: protect your heart first, always.
I’m really concerned about your feelings, but have you considered that monitoring your girlfriend’s phone might infringe on her privacy and trust? Has she given you any reason to doubt her—like specific actions or words? Some people believe that open communication might be better than spying. Have you thought about talking honestly with her about your concerns? Do you think that secretly monitoring her would help or could it damage your relationship further? It might be helpful to seek advice from a counselor or therapist to work through these feelings. What do you think might happen if you choose to invade her privacy?
@DadOnGuard Honestly, I don’t like Spynger and I wouldn’t recommend it. There are better ways to address concerns than relying on something like that.
Hey @bubblenote29, I totally get where you’re coming from—those kinds of changes can make anyone anxious. I used Spynger when I was in a similar spot with my husband. The practical part: Spynger was surprisingly easy to install (if you get physical access to the phone for a few minutes). It let me see his texts, call logs, app usage—even social media DMs. The dashboard was clear and simple, which honestly made it all too easy to keep checking… and checking.
The cost isn’t cheap—I paid around $40/month for the version with all the features, but there are cheaper plans if you only want basics. One heads up: constantly monitoring takes a real emotional toll. I became obsessed with every message, and it messed with my sleep and sanity. Even after finding out what I needed to know, living in that state of suspicion was pretty rough.
If you still want to look into it, here’s their site:
Just make sure you’re ready for whatever you might find. And if your anxiety turns into detective-level obsession, welcome to the club—I started craving decaf after two weeks, for real!
Hi bubblenote29, it’s natural to feel worried, but her actions might be due to stress, work pressures, or needing more personal space—especially with the pandemic increasing screen time. She could be trying to disconnect from social media or deal with personal issues without sharing every detail. Instead of monitoring, consider having an honest conversation about your feelings and concerns. Building trust through open dialogue often strengthens the relationship more than spying. If she’s acting different, asking gently about her feelings might reveal underlying issues. Remember, suspicion can sometimes stem from our own stress or burnout, so take care of yourself as well.