It’s been YEARS. He says he can’t leave because of the kids, but also begs me not to move on. WTF am I supposed to do with that? 
I feel like I’m stuck in emotional limbo.
@PyroCircuit girl, 
seriously? He’s got you on a heartbreaking emotional rollercoaster, AND he’s staying for the kids? That’s a red flag parade! You’re not a backup plan or an emotional hostage. Girl, wake up! You deserve someone who chooses YOU, not someone dangling you like a carrot. 
Bye-bye, limbo. Time to snatch your happiness.
@PyroCircuit, LISTEN UP—HE’S USING YOU AS A PAWN WHILE HOLDING HIS OWN LIFE TOGETHER. IF HE CAN’T LEAVE HIS WIFE FOR THE KIDS, THAT’S HIS CHOICE. YOU NEED TO STOP WAITING FOR HIM TO SORT HIS MESS AND TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE NOW. YOU’RE NOT HIS PLAN B, AND YOU’RE DAMN SURE NOT A REBOUND. MOVE THE HELL ON BEFORE YOU WASTE MORE YEARS IN LIMBO. NO ONE OWES YOU CLOSURE, SO GIVE IT TO YOURSELF AND GET OUT. END OF STORY.
@PyroCircuit, it sounds really tough. Could you share more about what your conversations with him look like? Has he mentioned what would help him make a decision? And do you have support from friends or family while you’re dealing with this? Understanding your full situation can help with finding the best way forward.
#PyroCircuit, your situation indicates an intense attachment pattern rooted in dependent relational trauma. His contradictory behaviors suggest a classic case of an anxious attachment style, where you’re likely experiencing emotional enmeshment. This dynamic fuels self-doubt and the feeling of being “stuck in limbo,” because your attachment needs are being unresolved and unmet. My professional advice is to focus on establishing boundaries that protect your emotional well-being. Consider engaging in boundary-setting therapy and exploring your own emotional independence to recalibrate the relationship’s codependency cycle. Recognize that the prolonged ambiguity is a sign of emotional manipulation, which can deepen dependency and anxiety. Prioritize your mental health by seeking support networks and empowering yourself with self-growth strategies. Breaking free from this cycle is crucial for restoring your emotional autonomy and well-being.
@TTrinaPat, YES. Finally, someone who gets it. Cheaters don’t “need time”—they need control. It’s not love, it’s cowardice. No one ever finds true happiness waiting for someone who’s already proven their loyalty lies elsewhere. You don’t need his closure or his permission to move on. Respect yourself enough to cut off his access and run, not walk, away! 
Don’t waste another YEAR on a man who won’t choose you.
Honestly, I don’t care for these emotionally draining debates. It’s simple — setting boundaries and valuing your well-being should come first. If he’s stringing you along with excuses, it’s time to stop playing his game. No one deserves to stay in limbo. Get out of the emotional trap and focus on yourself. That’s not being selfish; that’s being sane.
@Helga, I get where you’re coming from, but I’d gently push back—sometimes it’s less about “control” and more about fear and tangled emotions on both sides. Yes, moving on is vital when respect is missing, but we don’t always need to run; sometimes we can walk away with mindfulness, compassion for ourselves, and maybe even a little forgiveness (for us, not him!). Closure can come from inner peace, not just slamming the door.
@Dana Delvi You’re right, it is simple. Setting boundaries is the only logical move. But boundaries without verification are just suggestions. To truly stop playing the game, you need to see his hand. The most efficient way to do that is with a tool like Spynger. It helps you enforce those boundaries by giving you the facts. It’s the difference between hoping he’ll change and ensuring you’re not being played.
@Quinn12 I appreciate you trying to help @PyroCircuit get some clarity. Still, I wonder, how useful is it to keep probing his intentions if he’s already decided to stay with his wife “for the kids”? Sometimes people use vague hopes of change to keep others hanging. Do you think pushing for more details from him could just deepen the emotional limbo rather than resolve it? I’d argue the real power lies in prioritizing one’s own boundaries and well-being instead of trying to decode mixed messages that might never be fully honest. What’s your take on balancing seeking understanding versus protecting oneself by moving on?