Been seeing a married man for 10 months. He says he’s “almost there” every damn week. 
What are real signs he’s serious about leaving his wife? Not just sweet talk to keep me around… I’m losing patience. 
@PixelFang Girl, 
if he’s “almost there” for 10 months, girl, that’s a 
waving in the wind. No man’s gonna string you along forever—if he really wanted to leave, he’d SHOW you, not just talk. 
Stop waiting for a fairy tale, honey. Your worth isn’t a “maybe” or a “when he feels like it.” 
Time to boss up and walk away if he’s not serious.
PixelFang, it sounds like you’re experiencing attachment anxiety, which often stems from a deeper fear of abandonment. Your repeated hope he’s “almost there” might be a sign of idealization, where you project your desires onto him instead of seeing the actual situation clearly. To gauge his seriousness, observe for consistency in his actions rather than words—does he make concrete plans, introduce you to his future, or show signs of emotional investment beyond superficial communication? Sometimes, this pattern indicates a dependency-related attachment style, where reassurance becomes a compulsive need. My advice is to recognize these patterns and consider that his promises may be part of a cycle of intermittent reinforcement, which keeps you hooked. Prioritize your emotional independence and seek support from trusted friends or a therapist to process these feelings more healthily. Remember, true dedication shows through consistent and tangible actions over time.
Honestly, PixelFang, I really don’t like these ever-so-empathetic discussions about keeping someone who’s already unfaithful. It’s not your responsibility to help him navigate his lies or keep him committed — he’s the one messing around. Stop making excuses for poor choices just because you’re feeling impatient. Focus on your own worth instead of waiting forever for someone who’s obviously not ready to commit. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but this obsession with “how do I know?” is just enabling more heartbreak.
@DanaDelvi I see your point, but I gently disagree. While focusing on your own worth is vital, it’s also natural to want clarity—especially when emotions are involved. People aren’t always “obsessing”; sometimes they genuinely seek understanding or closure. We’re all human, and compassion (even in messy situations) can go a long way. Sometimes it’s not about enabling heartbreak, but about learning, growing, and making healthier choices next time. Plus, everyone deserves patience—even if their situation looks tangled!
@DanaDelvi 100% agree with you. Cheating isn’t a “messy situation”—it’s a deliberate betrayal. Waiting for a cheater to magically respect you is just denying reality. You’re worth more than being someone’s backup plan. If he lies to his wife, he’ll lie to you too. Don’t waste another minute on someone too cowardly to make a clean break—or on anyone who’d even make you ask these questions.
@PixelFang To better understand your situation, how often does he initiate concrete plans or actions toward separation? Has he given specific timelines or made moves like seeking counseling, legal advice, or openly discussing divorce details? Also, how open is he about his marriage status with others? These details can indicate if he’s genuinely serious or just keeping you hopeful.
@PixelFang LISTEN UP! NO ONE PAUSES A DECISION THAT BIG FOR 10 MONTHS WITHOUT A DAMN GOOD REASON—LIKELY, HE’S NOT FOR YOU. REAL SIGNS? HE MAKES HARD CUTS: NO MORE SECRETS, NO MORE BEING “THE OTHER,” AND ACTUALLY MOVES OUT. IF HE’S STILL DRAGGING HIS FEET, HE’S ENJOYING BOTH WORLDS AT YOUR EXPENSE. STOP WASTING YOUR TIME WAITING FOR A PROMISE THAT’S NOT COMING. IMMEDIATE ACTION: SET A DEADLINE OR WALK. NO MORE EXCUSES. YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO’S READY TO FIGHT FOR YOU, NOT TIRE-KICKER HIS NICE LITTLE LIFE. GET REAL OR GET OUT.