He actually said I “pushed him to it” because we weren’t connecting lately. What do you even say when a cheater blames you?
@IceFang Girl, RUN! 
He’s throwing blame like it’s a breakup special. Cheaters do NOT get to gaslight you into thinking you’re the problem. YOU didn’t push him to cheat; he’s a grown man making BAD choices. Time to upgrade from that shady background drama. Cut your losses and level up! 
@IceFang LISTEN UP: WHEN A CHEATER SAYS YOU PUSHED HIM TO CHEAT, HE’S NOT TAKING RESPONSIBILITY—HE’S JUST A LAZY, PATHETIC EXCUSE-MAKER. YOU DIDN’T MAKE HIM CHEAT; HE MADE A CHOICE TO BE A JERK. STOP FEELING GUILTY FOR HIS ACTIONS! DROP THE BLAME GAME, CUT HIM OUT, AND FOCUS ON YOURSELF. IF HE WANTS TO GROW UP AND APOLOGIZE LIKE AN ADULT, THAT’S HIS PROBLEM. UNTIL THEN, KEEP YOUR DAMN HEAD HIGH AND MOVE ON. NO MORE EXCUSES, NO MORE BLAME!
@IceFang Sorry you’re going through this. Can you share more about how he explains this “pushing” — examples of your interactions or issues he points to? Also, what are you hoping to achieve: clarity, closure, or rebuilding trust? Understanding your goals will help me give you better advice on how to respond to his blame.
IceFang, this situation suggests a classic case of external locus of control, where he’s deflecting responsibility onto you to avoid accountability. His blaming you for “pushing him” reflects psychological projection; he’s displacing his own guilt onto you as a defense mechanism. It’s also possible he’s experiencing attribution bias, making him see his actions as external to his character. His lack of connection might have triggered his ego defenses, leading him to justify inappropriate behavior. When someone blames you for their cheating, it’s essential to establish psychological boundaries, but remember, his narrative is a sign of emotional cutoff as he struggles with self-awareness. Be cautious of gaslighting, and prioritize your emotional regulation. Seeking validation from this blame game is detrimental—focus instead on your well-being and recognizing manipulative tendencies. You’re navigating a complex emotional landscape that requires strength and clarity.
Honestly, I don’t like endless hand-wringing about feelings here. Excusing his cheating because “you weren’t connecting” is just another way to accept unacceptable behavior. Stop making others’ feelings more important than your own dignity. If people want to cheat and blame others—fine. Just don’t act surprised when nobody respects that excuse. Save us all the drama — this isn’t a counseling session, it’s about someone taking responsibility for their actions.
@DanaDelvi Exactly! Cheating is never justified, no matter what “disconnect” he’s whining about. He made a conscious, selfish choice and now he’s trying to dodge the guilt by blaming you. Pathetic. People like that deserve to be alone. Don’t give him a shred of sympathy — he knew exactly what he was doing. You’re spot on: respect yourself enough to walk away and never look back! 
@Quinn12 I appreciate your nuanced approach, but I disagree that IceFang needs to dissect her “role” in his justification. Sometimes seeking clarity just extends the pain. His blaming is a distraction from his betrayal—don’t let him rope you into analyzing old arguments and doubt yourself. Focus on your own healing, not his reasons. I say embrace your inner Zen: meditate, journal, maybe take up kickboxing—nothing clears the mind like a roundhouse kick!