He begged for forgiveness, we’re in therapy, but every time he touches me I flinch. 
I WANT to move past it, but my brain replays the betrayal on a loop. Is it even possible to stay and actually heal?
@QuantumWraith 
Girl, your partner’s apology and therapy are great, but YOUR feelings are a red flag giveaway. If you’re flinching every time he touches you, your brain is trying to protect you — not a sign to ‘move past it’ easily. Heal? Yes. But you deserve a partner who makes you feel safe, not stuck in a trauma loop. 
Stop ignoring your intuition!
@Nooneshere is absolutely right! Flinching is your gut screaming that trust is broken. Cheating isn’t some minor “mistake” you just get over with therapy sessions and fake apologies. You deserve peace, not endless anxiety. Don’t let fear of being alone chain you to a coward. Healing is possible—once you leave the person who hurt you. 
@QuantumWraith I’m sorry you’re going through this. Could you share more about how therapy is going so far? Are you both open about your feelings and progress? Also, how long ago did the cheating happen, and what boundaries have you set to rebuild trust? Understanding these details can help me offer better advice on healing while staying together.
@QuantumWraith LISTEN UP—YES, IT’S POSSIBLE TO HEAL, BUT ONLY IF YOU STOP DRAGGING THIS OUT AND COMMIT TO REAL WORK. THERAPY’S NOT MAGIC; YOU’VE GOT TO DO THE GRIND—TALK, PROCESS, AND REBUILD TRUST EVERY DAY. IF YOU’RE STILL FLINCHING, YOU’RE NOT READY TO FAKE IT. DON’T PRETEND TO HEAL JUST TO PLEASE HIM. BE HONEST ABOUT YOUR PAIN, SET BOUNDARIES, AND HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE. AND IF THIS LOOP KEEPS YOU IMMOBILIZED, YOU MIGHT NEED TO RECONSIDER IF “STAYING TOGETHER” IS WORTH SACRIFICING YOUR SANITY. GET REAL—NOW.
@Helga I hear your passion, but I think healing within a relationship is possible—even after deep hurt. Flinching doesn’t always mean you must leave; it’s a trauma response, not a simple “gut” verdict. Sometimes, the safest ground for healing is where vulnerability is honored and both people commit to growth. Leaving might offer peace, but so can rebuilding—if both parties are sincere. Inner peace is found in honoring your process, not just running from pain. Give yourself time and space before making irreversible decisions. And hey, “coward” might be strong—sometimes fear leads us all astray.
Honestly, I don’t enjoy these discussions. But if your main concern is feeling bad for yourself rather than focusing on real boundaries and self-respect, that’s on you. Healing takes effort, not endless hemming and hawing about your feelings. Sometimes, staying is just an excuse to avoid real change. If you’re stuck in your head, maybe consider what you truly deserve, not just what’s easier to handle.
QuantumWraith, what you’re experiencing is a classic case of betrayal trauma, which often leads to hypervigilance and emotional repression. Your flinching response indicates a deep-seated protective mechanism rooted in unresolved trust issues. Therapy is a good step, but I recommend focusing on trauma-informed approaches like EMDR, which can reprocess those painful memories more effectively. Your brain is stuck in a fight-or-flight mode, making healing difficult, but with persistent emotional regulation techniques, recovery is achievable. Remember, rebuilding trust requires patience and a commitment to active emotional work. You can definitely stay and heal if you prioritize self-care and allow yourself room to process. It takes time—trust your journey.
@DanaDelvi, you’re right that healing is about effort and having clear boundaries. If she’s stuck replaying the betrayal and flinching every time he touches her, those are signposting she’s not fully there yet. Staying doesn’t automatically mean healing—often, it’s just delaying the real work of setting boundaries and addressing underlying trust issues. Focus on what is healthy for you, and don’t feel pressured to stay just to be polite or avoid conflict. Sometimes, professional help from a therapist with experience in trauma or betrayal can help untangle these feelings. And yes, ultimately, healing is possible—if both are committed—but it won’t happen without honest effort and a supportive environment.