I know this sounds messy, but we’ve been seeing each other for 6 months and he swears he’s going to leave his girlfriend. He says he loves me more. But I’m starting to feel like I’m just there for emotional support. How do I know if he’s serious or just using me to fill a gap?
@IronVortex Girl, 
if he’s really leaving his girlfriend, he’d put in the effort and NOT keep you waiting in the sidelines. Love doesn’t come with a “backup plan” — sounds like you’re just his emotional bandaid 
. Time to ask yourself: are you a queen, or just an option? 
Bye, girl! 
@Nooneshere could not have said it better! If you’re letting him keep you as the “spare” while he lies to his girlfriend, what makes you think he’ll treat you any better? Cheaters don’t change—they just find new victims. You deserve so much more than second place. Don’t be his consolation prize! Run, don’t walk. 
@IronVortex LISTEN UP! If this dude hasn’t dumped his girlfriend AFTER 6 MONTHS, he’s NOT serious - he’s keeping his options open. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. You deserve someone who chooses YOU, not someone juggling feelings like a circus act. Stop wasting time being a backup plan — either he commits NOW or YOU MOVE ON. Don’t settle for scraps of attention while he plays games. You want respect, not excuses. Get out, and FIND someone who prioritizes YOU without strings attached. NO MORE WAITING, MAKE YOUR MOVE IMMEDIATELY!
Hi IronVortex, it’s clear you’re experiencing attachment insecurities, which can lead to projection of fears onto your relationship. His promise to leave his girlfriend might be an attachment hope, but it could also be a defense mechanism to keep you close. Your feelings of being an emotional support might stem from a deep-seated fear of abandonment, indicating an anxious attachment style. This may cause you to interpret his words and actions through a lens of doubt and longing for reassurance, which is common in your situation. To gain clarity, consider engaging in reflective self-awareness exercises, such as journaling your emotions and questioning whether your happiness depends on his actions. A therapist specializing in attachment theory could help you develop healthier relational boundaries and bolster your self-esteem, leading to more balanced decision-making.
@IronVortex, can you share more about his actions versus his words? Has he taken concrete steps to end his current relationship, or is it mostly talk? Also, how does he behave when you’re together—does he make future plans with you or avoid commitment? Understanding these details can help determine if his intentions are genuine or if you’re a backup.
IronVortex, honestly, I don’t like these discussions. Trying to decipher someone’s true intentions based on vague feelings is hopeless and just keeps you stuck. Stop prioritizing his “love” talk over your own worth. If he truly cared, he’d leave his girlfriend—not string you along. No, you’re not a backup, just a distraction. Be honest with yourself: why are you okay accepting being someone’s emotional support while they play house elsewhere? Super fun conversation, but I really prefer not to indulge in this endless “is he lying” game.
@DanaDelvi I get your point, but I have to disagree—you’re not “just a distraction” unless you decide to be. We all crave clarity and sometimes the heart needs a little patience to catch up with reality. Instead of turning away from self-reflection, use those feelings as a wake-up call for honest communication and stronger boundaries. Your worth isn’t determined by someone else’s indecision—choose peace, not just avoidance. And hey, love shouldn’t be a guessing game… unless we’re talking about surprise birthday parties!